Maya Angelou – ‘I have written 11 books, but each time I think “Uh-oh, they’re going to find out now.’

The appearance of a ‘visitor‘

This quote by Maya Angelou resonates with me as I take this step forward towards starting Progressive Pathways. It isn’t my first time setting up a business or a business unit from scratch. There have been many opportunities to do so, where I have thrived, and the journey for each has given me perspective. I have received kudos and thanks for coaching and training work that I have done, and for the transformation initiatives that I’ve worked on in the past. Yet, as I work on my webpage and plan its launch, I have found myself struggling with questions along the lines of ‘what makes me think I can do this?’ or ‘why would anyone want to hear from me?’ These questions have kept me up tossing and turning at night. I have found myself feeling anxious and extremely nervous at the idea of writing this blog. Never mind that I have a personal blog with a readership that spans all continents or that I have received lots of praise and encouragement about my writing. I struggled to write my webpage because of feelings of inadequacy. There is also a lot of angst about what I need to say, or should be saying in this blog. I don’t feel important enough to be writing a work blog. I doubt my chops.

Identifying or naming the tricks of an old foe

It took me a moment to recognize the recent ‘visitor’ in my mind that’s raising all these questions of doubt. This visitor has a name – Imposter (syndrome). It’s definitely big on visitation because I am not the only person it visits. How many of us have found ourselves wondering whether we belong in a role or a meeting? Sometimes this visitor causes us to question if we belong with our friends. We wonder how we find ourselves taking charge of a project or leading some initiative or other. It’s simply hard to believe that someone’s talking to us about something and looking to us to input some expertise. It feels almost like a stroke of luck that someone’s talking to us about the possibility of taking on a project or maybe even a new job. There’s almost a feeling within us of ‘if they only knew…’ whether that conversation would even be happening.

This visitor is sneaky. Sometimes it appears as an internal ‘advisor’ that keeps telling us that we aren’t ready for something. Sometimes it appears as that perfectionist that reminds us how the prep we’ve put in just isn’t quite there yet. We need to perfect or refine something just that wee bit more. How often does that lead us down the road of procrastination, when it all feels too big to be dealt with now and we want to do it sometime later? We struggle when we’ve not been recognized or seen, even if the failure in the lack of recognition belongs to those around us. Here, the visitor is quick to remind us how unimportant we are. Criticism stings just that bit more because the visitor in our mind reinforces it just that much more, and we no longer can see that perhaps there’s feedback that can improve us. I know I’m not the only one who’s felt any of the sentiments expressed here.

Imposter syndrome is a persistent sense that we don’t belong or aren’t really good at what we do. It results in a feeling that we don’t deserve our successes and that somehow, we have managed to pull the blinds on everyone around us and fool them into thinking we’re worth something. There’s a sense that we’re going to be found out and shown to be the worthless person we are. We get nervous when we’re called into the boss’ office. Is this the time of our unveiling?

Strategies to defeat the imposter

As I struggled to work on my webpage and questioned my decision-making process that has led me to the formation of Progressive Pathways, I remembered a few things about this syndrome that I had read about. They have been helpful and I’ve got three takeaways that I want to share with you:

First, imposter syndrome turns up when you’re making headway. It turns up when you’re doing well or are making good plans. Its job is to cast doubt. As such it can only turn up when there is ‘room for doubt’ and this usually happens when you’re striding into something new or stretching yourself. This realization made me feel liberated somewhat. This webpage, this blog, and this consultancy, are all good things. I am being stretched. I’m being pushed. Why – I’ve learnt so many things in the setting up of my webpage that I never knew before! There is uncertainty ahead because it takes time to grow a business. Imposter syndrome’s trying to thwart that growth even before it has a chance to happen.

Second, imposter syndrome is an unwanted friend to so many of us. Conversations with friends and family who I think are super capable and incredibly clever reveal to me that they struggle with imposter syndrome too. This visitor is an unwanted friend who is so much like misery because of how much it loves company. My takeaway from this is that I’m not alone in this battle of having to evict this visitor who has overstayed their welcome the moment they arrive. Knowing this is also liberating. We are in community. We have strength in numbers. We can fight this. We need to keep talking and being mindful about this. I take comfort knowing that I am not alone.

Third, imposter syndrome causes damage. When we listen to this visitor, we lose confidence, become anxious, get overwhelmed, and procrastinate. There’s a lot more carnage it causes and it is impossible to state exactly all the losses that result. We lose out because of that doubt planted in us. We don’t apply for that job or go for that promotion. We don’t acknowledge ourselves and the skills we have, which is an incredible shame. I think there’s a need to recognize that we have lost out at points. If we have lost because of the imposter, it is good and right to grieve that loss of opportunity or that failure to treat ourselves well by acknowledging talents and skills we’ve been blessed with. It doesn’t end there, though. I think too that when we’ve gone ahead and applied for that job or submitted a proposal (imperfect as it was), or taken a step in face of that doubt that this visitor planted in our minds, it is a win. We must acknowledge it and celebrate it. I am celebrating that this webpage is about to be launched, and this blog will be read. I’m not listening to the imposter.

Wisdom shared

An Internet search will reveal that so many famous people who are high achievers with heaps of influence struggle with imposter syndrome. Simply staggering given who they are. This was helpful as I reflected on how to deal with this imposter. A quote by Michelle Obama helped me as I processed my struggle with writing my webpage and this blog. It’s a practical piece of advice and it’s what I think all of us who struggle with imposter syndrome need to consider. It made me smile when I read it, and I share it with you in the hopes that you will be encouraged to share your voice and talents whenever and wherever you can. Here’s the former First Lady’s words of wisdom: ‘I have been at probably every powerful table that you can think of, I have worked at nonprofits, I have been at foundations, I have worked in corporations, served on corporate boards, I have been at G-summits, I have sat in at the U.N.: They are not that smart.’

Thank you for reading my first blog for Progressive Partners. Thank you for sharing in this moment, where today, the visiting imposter in my brain is tamed. I would love to hear some of your battles with imposter syndrome, or if you have in any way found this blog helpful. Please share your thoughts in the comments below. We can work together you and I. Let’s kick this unwanted visitor out.